a few words for the hard days.

this is for the days when your whole being feels inside out; raw, wrong, revolting.

this is for the days when the hollow depths of your mind scream from the apathy.

this is for the days when your body cries out in rage for taking up worldly space.

this is for the days when you hate yourself for being alive, yet you loathe yourself for even considering your escape.

this is for the hard days.

this is for the days when the lump in your throat is so knotted that you cannot speak.

this is for the days when the visceral nature of your limbs and your skin and your humanness make you wish to claw out your hair by the fistful.

this is for the days when you can barely move without the fullness of your existence suffocating your lungs with fear.

this is for the days when you wish you were sick, and empty, and done.

this is for the hard days.

this is for the hard days; the days when you need to be reminded.

reminded that having your entire world be diminished to your pulled curtains, your dark room, and your palpitating heart is a fucking miserable way to exist.

reminded that you are not so unfathomably broken that you deserve to be punished and punished and punished until you can no longer endure.

reminded that simply because there are other wonderful souls also lost in the darkness, your worth has not suddenly plummeted to a place so far gone that you must envelop yourself in pain so immediately and so intensely.

reminded that food is not meant to tear your world apart; it is merely the foundation upon which something more beautiful can be built.

reminded that you don’t need deeper scars or longer hospitalizations or darker despair to deserve to fucking live. you are human. you are fucking human and you deserve to be.

reminded that you were not born loathing this body or this life or this world, and you do not have to die this way either. what has been ingrained can always be undone.

reminded that you can shudder with fear for as long as your soul cries out for, as long as you wake up tomorrow. as long as you peel off your blankets when you awaken and breathe in the sunrise. as long as you make yourself breakfast in the quiet of the morning and foster this life. as long as you open your windows at dawn and acknowledge the breeze. as long as you feel your own heartbeat warm and true in your chest and hold forgiveness for your soul.

as long as you breathe in trust, and breathe out doubt.

as long as you breathe in light, and breathe out darkness.

as long as you breathe in joy, and breathe out pain.

as long as you breathe in health, and breathe out sickness.

as long as you breathe in peace, and breathe out fear.

this is for the hard days, but always remember that someday, someday, you will wake up into a life that you will never yearn to escape from again.

someday, these hard days won’t be everything. no. 

so, fight for every damn tomorrow. because slowly, slowly, ever so slowly, you will live into the light.

so, choose to make it. choose to survive. just one more day.

choose to live.

choose to live.

choose to live.

scones

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “a few words for the hard days.

  1. Such a beautifully written post. I especially relate to “reminded that you are not so unfathomably broken that you deserve to be punished and punished and punished until you can no longer endure.” I love this – I’ve bookmarked it so I can share the link on my InvisiblyMe Facebook page soon 🙂
    Caz x

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s