traveling far to come home to yourself.

the day now close to a year ago that i first bought my plane tickets to fly halfway around the world to india, i was sick and i was lost and i was grasping for something, something, something to fill the empty void inside of me. i had never traveled on my own; many times in my life my treatment team could barely even trust my body as i was flying directly to be admitted into an eating disorder treatment center or hospital. and yet, that day i decided to fly over seven thousand miles on my own, i had a deep-seeded knowing that there was so much i still had yet to learn, and see, and love, and be that i simply could not learn and see and love and be in the world i had been living in for so long. so, i boarded that plane. i boarded that plane journeying towards what my team expected to be an undeniable relapse simply waiting to happen, already seeming to know the price my health would undoubtedly pay, their fear so full and huge in their chests that they couldn’t feel much else. and yet, almost seven weeks later, as i sit on the terrace for the last time here in this dusty and beautiful and painful and achingly wonderful country for the last time, as a human more full and whole than i have ever been in the entirety of my life, i am reminded that sometimes we must embark on all that seems too daunting in order to become all that is most true. here, i have LEARNED and SEEN and LOVED and BECOME more than i had ever believed i could, and my gratitude is astounding. there is so much world. so much life to be felt and love to be held and lessons to be learned and work to be done in this world. i have been taught and seen and loved by children, by laughter, by friends from across the world, by rivers, by rowboats in the sunrise, by curry for breakfast, by dusty train stations, by pancakes at midnight, by temples, by hardship and beauty, and by hope. and i would never give this experience up for the world. 

what does your soul yearn to see, and learn, and love, and become?
and how will you push through your fear and make it there?

india

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4 thoughts on “traveling far to come home to yourself.

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